Step away from the.....everything!

We had some family stress/trauma yesterday. Our 14 year old doggie, Blake is not doing well. He is at the vets having some tests run, and then we shall see. It was stressful/sad for me because he is my first baby...not only is he my first baby, he's Michael's first baby, our first baby as a couple. We got him about 5 minutes after we kissed. I'm very persuasive. Michael was very sad, as was Hannah. Every time Hannah would cry, Michael would cry and vice versa. I broke down once or twice, but mostly I just gave him love. Jordan is Jordan. She's still little. It's so funny because she's such a drama queen, but when it comes to legitimate sad stuff, she's sorta fine with it.

So, why is this on the weight loss/fitness blog? Because I think I stated in one of the earlier posts that I am a stress eater. So, true confession time. Deep breath. (I'm learning how to breathe at the centering prayer sessions. Good thing.) Hannah and I went to lunch at the Olive Garden- trying to take her mind off Blake, and I needed to run some errands. I got soup and salad. I got the zupa (sausage potato soup) and should have gotten the minestrone. I ate two breadsticks, ate the croutons that come with the salad, and then.... promptly ordered the black tie mousse cake to 'share' with Hannah, knowing full well that she was full. side bar: The one thing I've done right with my kids is to teach them to 'listen to their body' when it comes to eating. Hannah is really good at that. What's that saying, 'do as I say, not as I do'.

So, we ran our errands and came home. I then proceeded to eat a piece of pizza and a bite of a breadstick that we had brought home with us. The rest of the day is a blur, but I know I ate a sloppy joe (on a multigrain 1 point roll) and some coconut gelato, oh, and I ate my weight in almonds.

Today I had a donut from D+D and a coffee with cream and sugar. I am having a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I am getting back on track. My point to all of this? I am going to forgive myself the 'food meltdown' and get back on the wagon.

P.S.- Full disclosures suck.

I changed my weight on WW.com- I couldn't stand it anymore!

So sue me.

Should I stay or should I go now?

So I weighed myself this morning and now I'm down almost 3 pounds since yesterday. Had the Amish Friendship Bread taken that long to digest? My question is: do I log in this new weight on WW.com, or do I leave it as a measly .2 lb weight loss for last week? I really want to change my weight on WW.com. I think it will help my mental health with regard to how hard I worked last week, and how careful I was (minus the AFB). Should I change it? P.S.- the hubbie was very tired last night so there was no photo shoot. I will try to get him to take my picture tonight.

.2 lbs lost (wtf)... or The devil's in the Amish f#$%'n friendship bread.

So I weighed in this morning and I'm down .2 pounds. This is a far cry from my anticipated 4 pounds. Photo will be coming tonight.

So, my friend gave me an amish friendship bread starter bag of dough (fermented goo actually), and thought my family would enjoy the 10 day process of growing the amish goodness. For more info on this phenomenon, check this out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amish_Friendship_Bread She was right. We did enjoy the whole process. It was fun coming home deciding who would squoosh the bag, and who would pour in the sugar. It was so cute and fun and amishy thinking, 'we're waiting 10 days to bake a couple loaves of bread'. This doesn't happen nowadays. We open the box- add the egg, oil, and water, and you have an instant cake or something. We added chocolate chips to our friendship bread- yum. Having poured so much of myself into this bread, I simply had to try it on Saturday. I had quite a few flex points left, so I happily ate some. OMG...it was so good!!! Now keep in mind that I have not eaten anything resembling chocolate chips, cake, or crumbly cinammony goodness for over two weeks. How could I have forgotten that chocolate is a trigger food for me? I'm sure I ate more than my flex points worth of Amish f#$%'n Friendship Bread.

almost two complete weeks down...

... and I've stayed on track! yay!

Huh?

How come my week 1 picture looks skinnier than my week 2 picture? Hmmm....

1st Weigh-In

Well, I weighed in this morning and I'm down 3.7 pounds. I'm sooo happy!!! I'm not sure I mentioned it before, but I do the online version of Weight Watchers. I have done meetings in the past. My first leader spoiled me though. She was awesome. I haven't clicked with any of them since then. Anyway, WW has worked for me in the past, and I know I am successful with this program. Atkins, cabbage soup, South Beach... not for me. This is the only program that allows me to be me. So, when you log your weight online, you get a little WW-gram. It's either a smiley face 'cause you lost just enough weight, a scale if you gained, and a 'wanna be' smiley face if you lost too much (they want you to lose 2lbs a week, not much more than that). This 'wanna be' smiley face is happy for you, but looks frightened at the same time. It causes confusion for me. Are you happy for me or scolding me, little smiley man?

Workin' Out with the Fam

We rode our bikes to the in-laws house today. What a beautiful day!! The sun was shining and you could feel the warmth of it on your face. The sky was blue and the birds were chirping. I think spring is on its way.

Centering Prayer

Say it with me, "Ahmmmmmm". This is week two of an 8am Saturday 'class' where we practice centering prayer at church. From what I gather it's meditation, communing with God, creating space to receive messages, letting go for a period of time.

We start out with a two minute centering time, then build to five minutes, then the finale is a twenty minute period. Have you ever tried to sit still with your eyes closed and your mind clear for twenty minutes??!! Um, it's hard. I have been trying to work through what buddhists call 'monkey brain'. 'Monkey brain' is where you are meditating and all these random thoughts keep popping up. I think of it like the old Atari game Pong... bing, bing, bing... gotta work out, gotta do the laundry, did I...? So you try to overcome the 'monkey brain' by coming back to 'center' and focusing on your breathing and counting. 1-2-3-4... 1-2-3-4...

I asked the question on Saturday, "How do you know when you've arrived?" My pastor said something like, 'as soon as you get there you are no longer there'. I asked is it like, "Catch me if you can?", and he said 'yes'. I told him I was expecting this experience to be like looking at one of those pictures where you have to focus (or not focus) to get the picture to come into view- like your mind's eye is seeing it, but your actual eyes are not. I asked if this centering is like when you actually see the picture unfold before you? He laughed and said he could never see those pictures. Hmmm.... I think he answered me without answering me.

I am looking for the 'right' way to do this, and I think that will cause frustration and a feeling of failure, so I will continue doing it the way I have been doing it, because it feels 'right'. I think that's what counts.

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.

So it's been a pretty stressful week. Lots to do at work, lots to do after work, adjusting to the time change...blah, blah, blah. Stress affects our eating- duh. I am not immune to this. So, if I'm pretty stressed I want to eat anything that's not nailed down. If I get past that point and move into anxiety, I don't have any interest in eating. Today I could have eaten my weight in salty or sweet food... and I didn't. I went out to lunch at a new restaurant that features homemade soups, salads, sandwiches and desserts. I had most of my flex points left, so I knew I could induge a little. I ordered a cup of cream-based soup, a small sandwich, and a piece of carrot cake. I ate half of the cup of soup, the whole sandwich, and half of the carrot cake. It was lovely. I stayed in control and I am proud of that.

can you crack a smile?... and other stuff

The hubbie and I worked out together tonight. We're bonding. It's nice. Really nice. I love him. He ran slower than I know he can, just to run alongside me tonight. He also made a mix of music for me that goes along with my 'couch potato to 5K' program. Yes, everyone, there is a program out there for you! This program trains you to be ready to run a 5K in about 9 weeks. The overall premise is to start slowly with a walk/run training regimine. So, the hubbie created a musical experience for me that tells me when to walk and when to run. Ah, the gift of being married to a computer geek. We are both going to run together in a race in June that supports ovarian cancer prevention/detection. It will be awesome! More details to come....

So 'can you crack a smile' girl trained us tonight on the nautilus system at the Y, because, yes, we are now card-carrying members of our local Y-M-C-A. We're learning the circuit so we don't break the equipment or our asses in the process of trying to exercise, and this girl/woman is a low-talker, a mumbler, and has about zero personality (or at least none that we saw). I want my trainer to be like Denise Austin- "You can do it!! I know this hurts right now, but think about how teeny tiny your bottom is going to get!! Yay!! Great job!!! There was none of that with 'can you crack a smile' girl. She seemed genuinely disinterested in our experience, health, or anything for that matter. I think I'm going to make it my mission to get her to crack a smile.

4 Points for yogurt?

So, I'm doing Weight Watchers. I have been very successful with that in the past. It's the best program for me. My family is also trying to eat healthier... organic when we can... less soda and junk food, etc. I am used to fat free sugar free yogurt. Who knows if this is 'healthy' given the artificial sweetener? What I know is that it's low in points- 2, in fact. Today I ate a low fat, regular sugar yogurt (trying to be healthier) and it was 4 POINTS!!! If you've ever done WW, you know those points are like gold, and you will do anything you can to save them. I rocked in my chair, grieving the loss of the 2 point yogurt I was used to eating. Where have you gone, my Yoplait goodness?

hi.

Here I am again. Working to get back in shape. This blog will serve as a progress report for me. I do Weight Watchers and recently joined the Y with my husband. I'm doing the "Couch Potato to 5K" exercise regimen in preparation for a 5K to be held in June. I know I feel and look better when I'm in shape.....so here I am again. Stay tuned....